Mommy Traveling: Dad’s Guide For Thriving
You turned it on the world
That's when you turned the world around
Did you realize
That you were a champion in their eyes?
Kid Charlemagne, Steely Dan
It’s been almost three years since COVID first struck. In my house, everything seems to have finally normalized. That includes work-related travel. Since August, however, my wife Princess has had to take five business trips. Admittedly, after a long break from this intensity I’ve been rusty as the “sole parent”. That was clearly reflected in the first two trips - a self-induced disaster. I was exhausted, unorganized and unproductive. I get excited when Princess travels as it makes me feel like we’re tackling the world together and that I have a “power wife”. Thus, I would never suggest that she travel less . So, after those first two trips the only option I had was to step my game up. After consciously committing to “stepping up” and seeing positive results, I’ve decided to share my observations and tips for Dad’s likely in the same boat.
1. Keep Your Routine
When Princess is home, I maintain an early morning routine of 5:15am Peloton exercises, meditation and free writing. Stephen Covey would call these my “daily wins”. In Princess’ first two trips away, I convinced myself that the routine would need to be put on hold. I reasoned that I would be too tired from the workday and taking care of the girls in the evening to maintain my morning schedule .
My schedule adjusted to naturally waking up around 6:30am, getting dressed by 7:00am and then waking the kids up to get ready for school. We were usually out of the door by 8:15am: good news! Not really. In morning preparation, the kids were indecisive around breakfast selection, dragged their feet getting dressed and complained the entire morning of how they missed mom. The bad news was that after drop off, I was exhausted. By 9:15am, I would share with my business partners that I was happy to be in the office so that I could rest and take a nap.
In the most recent trip, I made a decision to stick to my normal morning routine. Managing myself and also my kids seemed scary at first but after the first two trips, I had nothing to lose. What I learned was that the routine was a game changer. As always, the workout, meditation and writing gave me the guaranteed personal time needed to clear the deck. I expected this. What I did not expect was the impact it would have on my kids.
By the time the kids had awaken, I had sweated, breathed and mentally released my way to heightened energy. This allowed the kids to experience dad at his morning peak. The energy and vibes were infectious and morning time became a party. Dressed earlier, I had time to think about the kids preparation. This gave me the idea to play Kidz Bop music throughout the house when waking the girls. Breakfast was already made so we took the guess work out and I no longer had to lose debates with a four year old over what Mommy would make. Before I knew it, the kids were popping out of bed, humming and singing and subconsciously following directions to get through our morning routines. For some reason, putting on a sock no longer too fifteen minutes. Now, when I arrived at work I was pumped – mostly with pride – deeming myself a genius for my work.
2. Manage the Clock
A true sports term, I learned that managing the clock is essential to winning this game of short term solo parenting. When my wife is present, we typically let our evenings “flow” by allowing the kids a good amount of free space and time between home arrival, dinner and bedtime . It feels controlled, relaxed and digestible. When by myself, however, I learned that this free flow simply does not work. Somehow, when Mom is away the gremlins come out to play, scream, cry, fight and do whatever until they fall asleep tired from the evening havoc. I needed to change that paradigm. This time around, I created a regimen and decided to lock-in. First, I needed to manage my own schedule and presence by making sure to be home well-before the babysitter left for the evening. Rather than just rushing in, taking my last Zoom call from home allowed for an easy mental transition from professional to pop.
Once the sitter left, I immediately started the clock by implementing a neighborhood walk routine. These early evening walks became the base of our transitions and it transformed the center of our attention from ”I miss mommy” chants to “when are we getting a puppy” rants, which I prefer much more. We also replayed our days, threw out multiplication questions and found random exercises to turn part of our walks into footrace sprints.
After our walk, we immediately went into dinner preparation. Making dinner collaboratively also meant making dinner creatively. I went from Mr. Microwave to making really tasty and healthy options. The girls were involved, and we looked forward to every dinner. Because we were so organized and aligned, 30 minutes of television was a treat to be had after bath rather than a limitation pushed on as an act of punishment.
3. Solidify the Team
Finally, and probably the most important is getting buy-in from the children. Quite frankly, none of this works unless we’re all moving as one. For me, that meant being more attentive and sacrificing part of my evening email and phone check-in routines. For my kids, it meant less Roblox and Gabby Dollhouse. In turn, what we received was more interdependency. That interdependency created more responsibility, and ultimately more autonomy, for my daughters. By the end of the trip, I was no longer giving directions but instead taking them and being reminded of dinner and bath times. Since this trip, our nine year old has self-appointed herself as Chief Operating Officer of our home.